Quarantine Day 44

When I was posting Quarantine Day 43 I realized that today would be 44. Forty-four is a number that comes up frequently for me, particularly when something intense is happening. In high school I sometimes set my alarm for 6:44 but soon stopped as that seemed to insure a very good or very bad day. I wore 22 earrings in each ear for 44. (I had to do a couple of rows.)

I didn’t remember that today was Day 44 when I woke up this morning. I didn’t realize it until just now, typing the number in the subject line. That may or may not explain why today was not a good day.

You know how I’ve perfected painting, philosophizing, and online shopping high? Today, for the first time, I experienced being sad high. I didn’t get sad because I was high and I didn’t get high (entirely) because I was sad but I was sad, I got high, and the sad got heavier but less internal, like whatever had been pulsing through me was now on my shoulders. It wasn’t altogether unpleasant. The sad seemed to dissipate with the high but I know that it’s still there and that I’ve been ignoring it for some time.

In good news, I’ve made the absolute best drawing ever of balls.