He spoke of his nipple
poked into her mouth

and I remembered
hers, perfectly pointed.

I didn’t run away with
the girl with yellow nail polish

I didn’t even try
but I’ll meet you at a motel

any
motel.

You come only
in red and black

like flannel shirts, ladybugs,
luck.

That pop
your fingers light
on my button
flirting with it
from the inside

Its release
that clench
in my belly
as I suck it
tightly away

We do this
over & over
but the thing
that was new
that pop

1. The bride was beautiful.

2. The bride was beautiful
   in the way brides are—
   intricate updo, professional face.

3. The first thing my brother,
   the groom, said to me was
   that’s an interesting hairdo.

4. It was his second wedding
   in the same church.

5. Bourke Floyd once fingered me
   under the magnolia tree
   during a lock in.

6. The minister’s son and I
   planned our Rock N Roll future
   on the Sunday school steps.

7. Rock n roll dies
   naked and alone on Christmas.
   The organist reminded me of
   our handprints on the wall.

8. You were my only ally
   I shouted at my dad
   during the reception
   and then I danced.

9. I had sweet tea and whiskey
   for lunch, thanks to the
   bride’s bad sister.

10. I didn’t make out with
    the bride’s bad sister.
    I didn’t even try.

11. Your mom isn’t talking to me
    my dad said. I said me neither

12. I ripped down posters
    for the camp where I was a molested.
    I once got in trouble for drawing smiles
    on the goldfish crackers.

13. Everyone at that church is older
    than they used to be
    except for the minister’s son.

1. Marlboro Mediums, soft pack
   The flannel that inhaled them
   keeping my secret safe

2. The vending machine at the college
   on the other side of the woods,
   no ID, no problem

3. Cigarettes smell like fall leaves
   and look like lakes,
   Chuck Taylors circa 1993

4. My mother threatened
   the Exxon employees who sold
   me cigarettes on Christmas

5. CJ’s mom bought me Parliaments
   after I took his virginity but
   before he was institutionalized

6. for bleeding the way
   I’d taught him, on cigarettes
   smoked after school

7. Cigarettes kissing the pages
   of my teenage diary
   and my inner arms

8. Smoking from my bedroom window
   and stubbing them out on the siding
   giving myself away

9. The warm glow of his Swisher
   Sweet as he massaged my feet
   in the moonlight

10. Bidis from the African House
    and the three months I thought
    I’d ditched nicotine

11. The half-smoked cigarette
    I extinguished when he told me
    he didn’t think I could quit

12. Never smoking again
    except for the time I was told
    a hand-rolled cigarette was weed

13. The vape pen a woman
    half my age left on my nightstand,
    her sock beneath my bed